Speaking During A Tahara

QUESTION: I’ve noticed that some metaharim are comfortable talking during a Tahara. They make small talk and may even joke around. Others make every effort to refrain from talking even about matters related to the Tahara, relying instead on gestures or whispers. What is the correct approach?

ANSWER: As with many of the halachos and minhagim of Tahara, the answer is guided by our belief that the neshama of the deceased is present with the body and fully aware of what is being done and said in its presence. It is also guided by the reality that the neshama is transitioning from a physical to a spiritual world – the Olam Ha’emes (World of Truth), stripped of its ability to choose or change, and conscious of its impending Yom Hadin (Day of Judgement).

On this basis, the Gesher Hachaim, Darkei Chesed, and others write that one should not engage in any idle talk in the presence of the deceased. Doing so demonstrates extreme insensitivity to the plight of the deceased and is in the category of “loeg l’rash” (mocking the dead). The decorum in the Tahara room should be one of seriousness, focused only on the needs of the nifter and kavod hameis. Certainly, levity has no place in a tahara room. 

Unless one expects to be contacted regarding the Tahara (e.g. an answer to a shailah or a Hebrew name, etc), cell phones should be silenced or turned off. 

That said, if something relevant to the Tahara process needs to be communicated, it can and should be said clearly, and as audibly as necessary, for all to hear. If a more extended  discussion might be required, it is preferable to step outside of the Tahara room for that conversation.

Additional considerations:

1. 1. 1. This sensitivity applies not only in the Tahara room, but also when the nifter is being moved, is already in the aron, or even at funerals, when we are in the presence of the nifter or following behind.
      2. Consideration must also be given to other niftarim who may be nearby. For example: It is insensitive to ask the nifter for mechilah while in the presence of other niftarim who may not be having a Tahara and will not be given this kavod. This can often be the case in a refrigeration unit where other meisim are present.
      3. Care should be taken with language. One should avoid referring to the nifter in ways that could be perceived as disrespectful, such as saying the nifter is “dirty” or that “it stinks in here.” Instead, more appropriate phrasing would be to say “this needs to be washed” and avoid reference to the smell, even if you need to state that tefilos are not able to be said right now.
      4. Questioning or commenting on things that may reflect poorly on the nifter or the family should be avoided. Examples include: The condition of the body, the size or lack of the talis, the family not knowing the Hebrew name or choosing to delay the levaya, etc.

In summation, one should conduct oneself as if the nifter is fully present and aware of the goings on and conversation in the room, and without the ability to respond. With an appreciation for the gravity and complexity of the state of the neshama at this time, everything said and done should convey the utmost sensitivity and respect.